Creating my own reality

Toddlers are NOT invincible.

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 14:17:08 GMT

Don't let them convince you otherwise. They aren't.

Nina's been having a rough week. The return of the scarlet fever, mysterious bumps and bruises and cuts that are appearing on her body (granted, we spent 3 hours at the park yesterday and she fell down a few times, but the cuts appeared after nap time ...) and now her graceful face plant.

I know this is normal. I know Morgan went through the same thing. But I don't remember being this terrified. It just seems like it's one thing after another with her. With her extra hole above her butt, all the drama surrounding the pregnancy and birth, it's been a lot for one little girl.

Nina only busted her lip again, but there was SO much blood. She kept coughing and choking on it, and it was just pouring out of her mouth. It scared the hell out of me. I knew she hadn't busted a tooth, that was the first thing I checked.

I don't know why I'm so freaked by this. Maybe because no matter how hard we try to protect them, our children are really just small little bodies full of blood that are really quite fragile. And that's something that scares the hell out of me. I freaked out and had a panic attack when Morgan was born, because I felt like I couldn't protect her anymore. There's a difference from having your child inside of you, and knowing that they're safe, and cushioned and protected. And then they're this tiny, screaming, angry little bundle that just seems so fragile.

Maybe I"m just paranoid, but I just worry that I'll never be able to protect them enough. And I wonder what that says about me as a person, that that's my main concern, that I need to protect them. Maybe it's the way I grew up, because I never really felt like anyone protected me. But that's my issue to deal with I suppose. My main concern is keeping my kids safe.

And now it's time to go get breakfast ready. Maybe.

Men Piss me OFF

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 04:48:37 GMT

Just as a general, they're still breathing, I'm still massively annoyed. I'm just saying.

I mean come on, you have to steal all the fucking flashlights in the house? Nevermind the fact that you're using my car to go to your stupid little car meets, so that you can be out until 5am, and sleep til at least noon- barring missing any football that is, but you have to steal the flashlights too so I can't find Morgan's binky in the dark? Seriously? WHAT THE FUCK?

Time to go find the binky in the dark, AGAIN.

ASSHOLE!!!

Cutest Picture EVAR!!!

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 02:13:27 GMT

Not that I'm at all prejudiced... but check this shit out:

My baby on her 4 wheeler. That her big sister was too afraid to be one, but once she saw her little sister doing it, had to do it too...

Not too bad of a labor day after all. Got to make bread Friday with Father Peter, and then my girls were being adorable, as usual. :)

just rambling

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 02:55:18 GMT

doo doo n'doo doo....

I have no idea. I gots nothing. My mind is in a million places and I can't seem to hold it down. Thinking about the babies, thinking about marriage, thinking about mistakes, thinking about stuff.

Funny that marriage and mistake are right after each other. No, the irony does not escape me.

I know I've made my bed, but do I want to lie in it anymore? It seems like this is a typical roll for me "Oh no, the bad man makes me unhappy, woe is me! Lord help me!" (said with dramatic flair, southern accent, and hand thrown helplessly over the forehead)

I made someone REALLY uncomfortable Thursday night at Halloween 2. After the movie we were standing outside just talking, and someone brought up "whats your sign?" (ugh! Ick! stupid girl thing to do, I revoke your girl card!!!Bad!!! No more outings for you, BACK TO THE KITCHEN WENCH!!!) and he finally mentioned he was a cancer-I'll kill ya. At which point, considering the date, I jump and yell "Ha, not this time fucker!" Hee... really an asshole kind of thing to do, but I couldn't help myself. People are so uncomfortable with the thought of cancer, that it's fun to say, hey it sucked a lot of balls, but I'm still here. But apparently I can't say all of that, or at least to certain people, because someone might get butthurt over it, because their dad was diagnosed with.. wait for it.... COLON CANCER, and might not be out of the woods yet... (Get it, butthurt, colon cancer? yeahhhh.. moving on..)

Really? YOU get to disregard 11 years of *MY* history, just because it might hurt some STRANGER'S feelings? At least, someone a stranger to me. Sorry, my bad, 3 years of marriage, and 2 pretty awesome fucking kids, thought that gave me a little bit more slack. Sorry, let me get barefoot and pregnant back to the kitchen.... NOT.

Though I did get a key to the church kitchen. Dude, seriously. THE COUNTER SPACE. THE CENTER ISLAND. THE ERGONOMIC ROLLING PIN!!! *drool* I'm such a dork. Kitchens make me happy, if I have work space. And decent tools.. ahh, making pies, baking breads. good good stuff.

Poor baby girl. Two weeks ago they said she had Scarlet Fever. Now her poor little feets are peeling. Only her toes, and above her nose. Hungry as hell though. Wondering if the rash on her little legs is from the soy milk. But she won't drink cows milk, and rice milk has no nutrional value, so she has to get a liquid (ick) vitamin. I shouldn't have stopped breastfeeding. Seriously. I think it would have saved a lot of her issues, and mine. I think I had a cyst burst the other day. It felt like labor without an epidural... damn. If men only KNEW what we go through....

misty

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 02:18:48 GMT

Yeah, so for the past few days, I've really really REALLY been missing having a dog. I completely miss having a pet. I'm not sure why, I have 2 small children to chase, isn't that the same? Heh.

Seriously though, for some reason I've just really been missing my old dog Misty. I don't know if it's because it's been about 3 years since she died or what. I just find myself thinking about her and missing her, and wanting to tangle my fingers in her hair and listen to her sigh as she rolls over and looks at me.

I was so heartbroken when I had to put her down. I wish she were here to play with my babies. I wanted her to see my babies, she was such a good dog. Is it weird that I miss my dog still? I guess it's because I love so completely and selfishly. I miss my dog.

I still have my Schmendrick, kind of. He's with my parents because he snapped at the babies, which is understandable, Wheaten Terriers really aren't generally kid friendly, and Morgan kinda likes to pull and tug on hair. So it was more of a safety issue for everyone involved. And I know he's not doing that great, over the weekend my mother told me that he'd been sluggish and not acting right.

But I have two babies to worry about. And as much as I want a dog right now, I've got babies. I can't imagine, I'm going to housetrain the dog and potty train Morgan at the same time? They can both potty outside? Good grief...

I know we can't afford a dog right now. Not to mention the landlord would flip... *snert*. I'm actually FINALLY getting my teefs fixed, so that is kind of more important than a dog right now. But man I miss one.

I'm looking at about 6k for my teeth right now. It's hard to imagine just how much getting my teeth cleaned, and starting the actual work on them, has improved my mood. I wonder how much being so depressed about my teeth has affected the depression. I'm still stressed with everyone around me, but it's more like they're raining on my parade, interrupting me. If that makes any sense. I can't get over the difference. Once my teeth were cleaned yesterday, they looked like they did 12 years ago. Almost. a bit discolored since then, and you could still see some of the major cavities, but jesus I can't stop staring at them. So I got a root canal today with 3 fillings, and I go back on 4/20. Heh.

Slowly but surely. Baby's crying. Stupid storms.

Oh My Gawd!!!

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 21:42:58 GMT

Jesus Christ people are fucking insane.

Foremost.. they made a freaking Broadway play out of the Little Mermaid? Was Disney REALLY that desperate for money?!?! WTF!?!

Boys are stupid, boys are annoying.

So I'm back on my Lexapro. Yay. No really, most days that does actually make me happy, or at least a little bit pleasant to be around. But Morgan has been a monster today. I don't know what's going on, her sinus infection has got to be almost gone, but she's just acting awful. She won't go to sleep, she doesn't want to eat, she doesn't want to be held, she doesn't want to lay down, she doesn't want to play. I seriously want to throttle her. (But I won't. I promise.)

But anyways. Yeah, Lexapro again. I'm actually doing part of a study down at Emory, about depression in pregnancy and how it affects the fetus, and so on and so on. So the dr seems to think that 10 mg is too low of a dosage, so he upped me to 15 mg. Which basically means one and a half pills. And even though I was on Lexapro last year, with my last pregnancy, Medicaid wants to know why I need to be on this medication. So I won't kill anyone? Including but not limited to myself, my child, and/or my husband? (Not neccesarily in that order either.) Stupid government.

My mother has completely lost her mind. It's official. New Year's Eve, Bill has to work. I'm home, taking care of Morgan. Who is slightly sick, since we just got back from my aunt's dad's memorial service down in Florida. So we went from cold and wet here, to humid and hot there, and then cold and rainy, and then humid and warm again. I think Morgan is allergic to Florida. Heh.

So, it's New Year's Eve, I'm staying home with the baby. She finally falls asleep, but on her stomach. Yes, she's 7 months old but she has a hard time rolling over from her belly to her back. And sometimes she bitches. So I stick around to watch her and make sure that she's ok, doesn't cover her face and stop breathing or anything like that. 11:00 rolls around, and she starts fussing. So I flip her, and get ready to take a bath. Just as I'm grabbing my pj's, she wakes up. So I go into the bathroom and turn the water off.

I come back and start taking care of my daughter. I get her up, I change her diaper, I'm going to feed her a bottle after I give her the Tylenol and Benedryl that seeem to be helping her sleep. My mother comes in. Now, I'm CHANGING HER DIAPER, so she's not in her bed. Everyone with me so far? Good.

So my mom comes in, and proceeds to stand over the crib, with a goofy smile on her face. The room isn't completely dark, I think the TV was still on. I konw the computer was because it was playing music. My mom just stands there. Morgan is awake at this point and moving around.

I ask my mother what she's doing. She kind of jumps and turns to me and says "I'm just checking on the baby." And I just kind of look at her, look down at Morgan, and then look back at my mother, who's still staring into the crib, grinning like an idiot. "Um, the baby isn't in the crib... I'm changing her diaper and then I'm going to give her a bottle."

My mom turns briefly to me, and says "Oh, I was just checking on the baby, I thought you were in the bath already." And I proceed to explain to her that the baby woke up and I'm taking care of her. At this point my mother turns back around and continues to stare into the crib. And then says AGAIN "I was just checking on the baby." And I'm like SHE'S. NOT. IN. THE. CRIB. I'M. CHANGING. HER. DIAPER. I. HAVE. THE. BABY. And my mother just continues to stand there, staring into the crib, with the goofy grin on her face, and says, once again "I was just checking on the baby." And she tilts her head, and then makes this asinine statement: "She's so peaceful when she sleeps."

I look down at Morgan, who's grinning at me and trying to get her frog off the wall- it's a crinkly toy that keeps her attention so that I can change her diaper. And I'm just kind of like, 'um, thanks?' and my mother turns and leaves the room, still smiling. FUCKING WEIRD!

Ugh. It just constantly amazes me. I have to wonder how the hell *I* survived childhood.

Ugh. The baby is screaming.. joy.

Baby!

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 16:16:13 GMT

Yes, that would be my boob. Deal with it. Breastfeeding was important to me in the very beginning, and I'm doing my damndest to keep doing it now even though it gets hard at times. Yeah, so breastfeeding and stress, TOTALL related. :P very frustrating.

So the whole birth thing wasn't too terrible. The dr wanted to induce me, I guess because of my history even though the pregnancy wasn't too bad as far as medical problems went. The biggest thing was having my blood drawn at the oncologist because my veins suck.

So I went in on May 25, 2007, to be induced. They didn't actually get the IV started until about 9am, I went in at 7. Not much happened for a while, got an enemba. THAT was interesting. At least the nurse was cute. I admit, my biggest fear was pooping on the table and/or the dr during delivery. I LIKE my dr, I want him to stick around and still like me when there's the next one.

Anyways. So most of my labor was in my back. Yeah, NOT a good thing. I ended up getting an epidural at about noon. My mother showed up AFTER that, where as my mother in law, called at 5 am to see what time I was going in, and was there at like 10. (just after I finished pooping from the enema, GREAT timing. really.) That fucking epidural fucking HURT. But I would do it again. I was so miserable.

My actual labor didn't start until later, I was 3 centimeters dilated at noon, and then by about 6:30 I was 8. I jumped to 9 1/2 centimeters at about 7:30. That's when the real pain started. It felt like someone was trying to crack my hipbone apart, from the inside-pushing it in. I was not happy. But they gave me drugs. I was much happier. Tho the anethesiologist wasn't too happy and neither was the nurse. She kept telling me to breathe, and I told her I would when it didn't fucking hurt. :) I was so polite!

But basically once the hard labor started, it didn't last long, and it only really took three pushes for her to come out. :) The dr almost missed her. He swears I've done this before, but I think it was more a fact of the people at Northside being good at their jobs, except for that stupid twat that told me to breathe. :)

Because of the drugs, pushing didn't really hurt. It felt more like I was trying to poop. The icky part was all the stuff that came out afterwards. I passed a blood clot the next day that was like the size of a sub sandwich. Sorry, that's the best estimation of the size I can come up with. My back hurt from the epidural needle, but that was pretty much it.

My first words to my husband when she came out all blue and whiny, "Honey, we made a people!" And they were able to get a really good cord blood sample. That we were able to donate to Babies for Life Foundation. I looked into the whole banking it thing, and my oncologist reassured me that I didn't really have a moral obligation to bank it-pay for it banking, and that I'm not necessarily more inclined for my kids to have problems or a relapse for me. So that was good to hear.

And y'all, I love my daughter. She is my world. But she is EXHAUSTING sometimes. but thankfully we seem to have fixed most of the spitting up issue. about fucking time!

Did YOU know Akon was a felon?

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 13:50:26 GMT

Ahh, the things you learn on VH1. :P

So I am now kitty-less. Scarface was taken to a no kill shelter yesterday. I think the surprising thing for me is that as much as I fought for that stupid little cat, and as much love, time, energy, and heartache I invested in him, I feel NOTHING. Absolutely nothing, for him, about him, towards him, right now. I don't wish him any harm, I'm sorry that it came to this, but beyond that, it's more like a sense of relief.

To backtrack a moment, he pissed on me the other day. Yeah, PISSED ON ME. Was acting completely normal, then all of a sudden, got up, backed his little furry black ass against my legs, and fucking pissed on me. I wanted to wring his scrawny neck. I didn't, obviously. And then, after spending the day in his carrier, he pissed on Schmendrick's toys, and tried to attack me. Yeah, as if pissing on me 12 hours earlier hadn't been enough, the little fucker went after me, hissing, spitting, clawing.

And apparently this is all because I'm pregnant. Oh, and did I mention that I've had yet ANOTHER sinus infection, except this time, since I'm preggers, I can't really take anything? Well, not anything that I can fucking afford or that stupid Medicaid will pay for.

So yeah. Fuzzy butt found a new home, or will shortly I hope. It's just not fair for me to have to give up my unborn child to make a stupid cat happy, and it's not fair to force my pregnancy on a cat who obviously is freaked out by my hormones. So I took the middle road, bye bye kitty.

I hate doing it, but since he was going through this "phase" of pissing on stuff every 2 or 3 months, do I really want to risk him possibly pissing on my child? or in her crib, or clothes, or whatever? Not particularly. It's bad enough that he just pissed on the brand new fucking bed. Grr.

And the thing that got me, was Friday night, before he left Sat morning, he was acting so fucking NORMAL. He was being sweet, cuddly, playing with Schmendrick, cuddling with Schmendrick, I have pictures of Scarface with his little paws around Schmendrick's neck, and they're both snoring. That's the kind of shit that breaks my heart.

It's just I got to the point, after screaming and ranting and raving and being pissed off Thursday morning, I'm done. 3 years of NOTHING but an uphill battle with this creature, I guess I really hoped that he would be the success story that Schmendrick is. But I just can't do it anymore, I didn't even have the energy or desire to buy him food. I don't want the responsibility anymore, especially not if I'm worrying that if he's not in the carrier, I'm going to get pissed on in my sleep. Cuz at this point, I need all the freaking sleep I can get.

So happy news- it's a GIRL! :) I'm going to name her Morgan Elena. I've always loved the name Morgan for a girl, and Elena just kind of came to me when I was reading a book. Kelly Armstrong if anyone's curious. The newest werewolf book, I can't remember the title. But basically the main character, Elena, the ONLY female werewolf, is pregnant. Turns out it's twins, but it was just another good book in the series, and as I read the last page, I literally thought "What a cool character. Morgan Elena!" and it just clicked. Plus Elena is Greek, so that takes care of Bill's side of the family. Because I am so NOT happy with the idea that if we have a boy, I get absolutely NO say in naming it. Oh, so I just get to carry it and be miserable and do EVERYTHING, but not name my child. Fucking Great. Yet another reason why I was so pleased to be told it's a girl! :)

Which, incidentally Schmendrick is being great, he's super protective and cuddly with me right now. More so since Scarface is gone, but it's not like he's stressed or worried about Scarface being gone, he actually seems much HAPPIER. Very interesting I think. And I'm not as concerned as I would have been originally with having a child around Schmendrick, since he's gone after kids before. So I guess maybe things are looking up? I better not hold my breath on that one though... :P

Pooptastic

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 04:08:33 GMT

Sorry it's been so long, I've been feeling so spendiferously horrible, that I'm having a hell of a time dragging myself out of bed. I'm exhausted all the time and it's confirmed that I have a sinus infection on top of it. Joy! I really like having headaches, and being nauseated all the time, and choking when I swallow and having my sinus cavities feel like their on fire. Really! It's the BEST!

So I had the appt with the specialist today, and they did do an ultrasound. They actually put me at 13 weeks, and gave me May 23 as my new due date. The last one was May 26, so not that terribly different. Everything looks good, they did the genetic screening today, measuring the baby's neck flap for the Down's Syndrome test, and took a bit of blood. I should get the blood results by Thursday they said. But everything looked good.

My appt Friday went well, we got to hear the baby's heartbeat, it was between 150 and 160, and today it was 152. The dr I saw today still wants me to see ANOTHER specialist, who's actually an oncologist, so I'm playing phone tag with his office to try and set up an appt. The dr I saw today wants to see me back in 7 weeks for another ultrasound, just to keep an eye on things. I actually have an appt with the dr over at Northside (til now I've been seeing the midwives) on Dec 5 I think, and that's just my check up.

I talked to them Friday about the depression, and because I told them of my history of cutting myself and having previously been on Lexapro with good results, they put me on 10 mg of Lexapro, and Prima Care One prenatals. I've been taking the Lexapro since Friday, and I don't know if it's the fact that I'm sick, pregnant, or just started the Lexapro again but I've been having a hell of a time sleeping, so that just makes me MORE exhausted. SUCK.

They basically confirmed that all the bloodwork they did last month was just routine stuff, I'm A+ blood, so I don't have to worry about the Rh factor, and I'm not a carrier for cystic fibrosis. So that's all good stuff. I seem to be maintaining my weight, which is nice considering it looked like I gained 14 pounds in a week and a half between my reg appt in Sept and when I went to the health dept to sign up for Medicaid and WIC!

I went to the Minute Clinic in one of the CVS's today because Bill is convinced that I had strep because of the way my throat was feeling. The nurse at the CVS basically said it was too early to tell anything, that she thinks it's just a sinus infection, said my symptoms sound like allergies, and it's VERY unusual to have 4 sinus infections a year. :( So that makes me wonder if Scarface is the cause of that, because I've had Schmendrick longer, and the sinus infections just got worse and more of them over the past 2 years, and I've had him since Feb 2004. I'm NOT jumping to any conclusions, because I know Albuquerque has a higher elevation than Atlanta, and is a LOT less humid, living with my dad in Ohio was super humid, he lived in a valley, and then moving back to Atlanta... So I don't know how much of that has any bearing on how my sinuses react, but I do know that most of them seemed to happen around or shortly after moving cross country. But it's annoying to think that I might be allergic to my kitty. :(

taste buds and other pregnancy oddities

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 21:44:11 GMT

So apparently being pregnant changes your taste buds too. Yesterday I couldn't find anything to eat that tasted good. Even things I normally love, tasted funny to me. And the same thing today too.

Thankfully the prenatal vitamin seems to NOT be making me sick, and that's a good thing. Another good thing is three weeks to go until I hopefully stop feeling exhausted all the damn time. That's the really tiring part. I'm tired of being tired! Yes, I do realize how ridiculous this sounds.

My moods better too. Though I had a moment last night when the hubby wouldn't change the litterbox.. after me asking him for 3 days.. because it didn't stink to him. Honey, we have a cat. Cats are notoriously clean animals, if their litter box is dirty, they'll poop somewhere else. We just got a NEW $600 bed.... do you really want him pooping ON or UNDER it?!?! I think not. Not to mention how hard I would kick his ass. :D

So I've got 2 pots of beef stew cooking, hooray cold weather! I hate freezing when I get out of the shower, or leave to go to work in the morning, but it's nice being snuggly with my honey.

And how weird is it, that of all the boys, the cat is the cuddly one? I mean Schmendrick still wants to cuddle, but Scarface is just going NUTS about laying on my boobs or my belly. I have no idea if this is normal behaviour for a cat or if it's just him being special again.

So as I reach the 12 week mark, I'm thinking more and more of calling Jess. I'm kind of afraid to talk to her, since I know how pissed she was that we changed our wedding day and didn't tell her. She has a life, and a marriage, and a child, and I really didn't think I was up there in the top ten list. Yes, I understand hurt feelings, but it seems like she just always makes it about her. So it was just easier not to deal with it. My fear now is that if I tell her that I'm pregnant, I'll get the whole speil of how we don't have a place to live, and he doesn't make enough money, how we aren't prepared for a baby, etc. I know all of this, I think about all of this. But it would be SO nice to be able to have someone to talk to.

I wish I could find someone local to hang out with and be friends with who was reliable and understood what I'm going through, and what I will go through.

pissing me the FUCK off

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 03:29:57 GMT

So the midwife says I'm 8 weeks pregnant as of Sat Oct 14th. Everything else seems to think that I'm 9 weeks, so I guess it's a toss up.

I've had waaaaay too much heartburn and a headache for three days. I've been to the chiropractor twice, and it helps for about a day, and then I'm all fucked up again. We bought an actual mattress yesterday, but lucky me, I can't seem to sleep on the fucking thing. Which is apparently quite normal, not to be able to sleep during pregnancy. I know I'm going to sound bitter, but I have to wonder if there's ANY benefit to me being pregnant.

And my husband is CONSTANDTLY pissing me off, and seems to think it's funny. With the news talking about ANOTHER teacher having sex with a student, and possibly being pregnant by him, all my husband can say is "Well if that were my son, I'd have to talk to him about standards. Because that woman is ass ugly!" Great, so you can sit and brag about all the women you've slept with, 168 according to him, and swap stories about the driver's ed teacher's assistant, she was what, 23, just a few years older, so it was ok?

YET if we had a daughter who had sex with a teacher, charges would be pressed and he would be in jail from beating someone up. Because that makes total fucking sense. So what, for the boys you can brag and swap stories of how many fucking conquests you've had, and I get what, I get to tell the girls to be careful who they trust so they don't get molested or date raped? Thanks honey, that makes me feel fucking GREAT.

And he doesn't see the problem. And he antagonizes me, telling me I won't be able to sleep. No, I won't be able to sleep because I can't decide if I want to smother you in your sleep, or just punch you in the face. Must be love, according to Chris Rock. If you've never wanted to kill someone in their sleep, then it's not love. Well, I guess I found it. Lucky me.

And a part of my brain tells me that I'm being cranky and unreasonable, and the sound of his snoring is driving me NUTS, and I just want to smother him. I understand where he's coming from, but it still pisses me off. I don't see why such a double standard is so fucking acceptable. Why in his world, double standards are the norm, and acceptable. It's wrong. And it pisses me off. Obviously he doesn't give a shit about that.

Nevermind the fact I've had a headache that turned into a migraine for 3 days. Nevermind the fact I have constant heartburn. Or that I can't sleep. Or that my hip kills me every time I move. Let him get one stuffy fucking nose, and it's whine whine whine, bitch bitch bitch. I just want to kill him.

on the subject of sex and pregnancy

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 16:19:07 GMT

So apparently being pregnant DOES make you hornier than ever, and harder to satisfy. :( Although I should clarify that, orgasm is still atainable, it's just that your lips and everything are so flooded with blood, that you're constantly left wanting MORE. Which, does that mean it's time to look for a girlfriend? Time to initiate some same sex, sex?! Well, I suppose if the opportunity arose...

Maybe it's just me, but as attracted as I am to women, I find it really difficult to talk to them and approach them. There seems to be soooo many women who are bi or at least bi curious, but at the same time there are also a certain number of women who are freaked out by it. So it seems to be ok to confess if you will, to being bisexual, but to actually approach someone.. it's akward, and intimidating. I guess that as aggressive as I am with just about everything else, women are still a mystery to me.

And I guess a certain level of it is that, how akward would it be to be approached by a couple, saying hey, it's ok, she can't get pregnant, she already is, but we want to have LOTS of screaming orgasm nasty sex with you? I mean obviously I'm not showing that much yet, only being 6 weeks pregnant, but as I get further along... you just have to think about it. I understand that positions for girl on girl sex is WAY different than boy girl sex, but still, you would expect certain obstacles with a great big ole pregnant belly.

Go to the Health Dept dammit!

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 22:34:02 GMT

So, if you know you're pregnant, and you need to get on Medicaid, because your husband's insurance won't kick in until practically a month after your next dr's appt, DON'T go to Medicaid first, GO TO THE HEATH DEPT. It's MUCH easier, and MUCH faster. I sat for HOURS at Medicaid, to get.....
an appt to come back Wed. AND to be told that what I had faxed over from the dr's office wasn't enough, I was going to need to prove my pregnant status. So, they sent me over to the Health Dept. They said they also needed an estimated due date, which I won't really get an accurate one until I have the ultrasound on Oct 17th, hello?!?!

I go over to the Health Dept. I sign in, I go pee in a cup. They stick my finger, I wait a while. I see a nurse, she confirms my pregnancy, gives me 2 estimated due dates, depending on WHEN my actual last period was, and sends me to this wonderful lady that gets my Medicaid STARTED, including giving me a temp Medicaid number, so I don't have to pay anything today. And this took about 2 hours. And it wasn't crowded. Beautiful.

So I have an appt for Wed to get food stamps, and I have to call to set up my WIC, which is nice, that I qualify for all three. Cuz you know, they want to up my rent from 200 to at least 350-400 when the baby is born, cuz you KNOW a baby is just going to shower every single day, AND the laundry, AND the grocies. I mean, doesn't a NEWBORN eat everyone out of house and home?!?! (I know, these people are simply BRILLIANT)

So the result of all of this: I'm 5-8 weeks pregnant, depending on when my period actually was, my hemogoblin and iron are NORMAL, and I'm on Medicaid. Wooooo!!

So the BIG news aka It's a vagina, NOT a clown car

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 10:24:43 GMT

Well, we found out a week ago, and oh by the way, we got married and pretty much eloped on July 20th. yay! yay married people sex! (dude, it so rocks! which brings me to .... I'm pregnant. Yep, just a little knocked up the dr said.

The dr said 2 weeks probably, but we think I might be further, especially with the morning sickness getting worse, and all the other ups and downs of my hormones. Yay hormones.

The thing that woke me up this morning, besides the having to pee all the time and the morning sickness, is that I started thinking about Albuquerque. I called a week ago to tell John, of John and Nan, and while it was nice talking to him, I feel kind of brushed off, and I don't know how much of that is my own insecurities talking, or if that was really the vibe. I made the comment that I miss him and Nan and I want to come visit, and his response was Don't rush. And I understand that they're SUPER busy, they always are, but it still felt like a brush off. And it just makes me think and obsess, did I do something wrong? I mean I know I still owe them money, and I admit that I'm selfish and there were several times that I could and should have paid them back, but I wanted fabric to sew, I wanted yarn to knit, I wanted to have that money in my pocket, or in the cookie jar to make me feel just a little bit more secure. I just can't help feeling that I did something wrong.

And it's frustrating too, because to me anyways, John and Nan were such a BIG part of my life when I met them at 18, they helped get me OUT of the house, in a time where I was still going through chemo and didn't quite know what to do with myself. And I'll always love them for that. I just feel like I no longer fit in their lives, and to a certain extent I understand that, since I do live in Georgia again, and they're in New Mexico. But as much as I want to go back to New Mexico now, I feel like I've burned my bridges or something, and I can never go back. And Albuquerque is too damn small I think for me to be able to go back, which just depresses me further.

I think I'm also getting tired of feeling let down by friends. When you're a kid, people tell you, make friends, your friendships will last forever and get you through the hard times. And that honestly hasn't been my experience, and that's frustrating. I don't know if it's that that's just something we read and see on TV and in the movies, that society has programmed us to expect that or think that that's the only right way to have friends, or if it's more a matter of all the shit that happened in my life that a lot of people couldn't be bothered to be around with. I mean I was always an outcast at school, and then getting yanked out of school and put in a foster home, that didnt help build any bridges for me. yeah, everyone knew who I was, but they just wanted the scoop, they didn't really care about ME. It was something to talk and gossip about. I start making a few friendships in 7th grade due to school projects, and then we get to high school, and everyone acts like they don't know anyone else. After a few years I start to find my niche, and then bam, I get hit with leukemia, and I'm in the hospital, missing my junior year. I'm not blaming everyone, I just wonder, does this shit happen to everyone, or was I just the lucky marble picked out of the bag where someone decided, ok, let's throw THIS at her, and see what happens. It'll be great! or what.

My point is that everytime I make a friendship, it's something that I hope will last. And usually I'll try my best to keep it afloat, but it gets to a point of there's just so much one person can do. And it hurts, I miss these people.

Or maybe I'm just overreacting because of the pregnancy hormones, and it's making me more morose than usual. I just don't know. All I know is that it sucks, and it makes me depressed, and it makes me feel like I'm not worth being around, if everyone takes such a little thing to not be around anymore.

Misty

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 01:53:49 GMT

This is going to sound retarded. I can't stop thinking about my dog. Everytime I see her I just cringe. She looks like something out of a terrible B horror movie. She's a cocker spaniel, pekinese, poodle mix. And she's over 12, and she's going blind and she has arthritis and can hardly walk, and her little pot belly drags the ground some days, and the worst thing is that she has these tumors in her mouth that keep growing. I've had them removed a couple of times now. I don't have another $800 to do it, and I don't think she'd wake up from the anesthetic. But I feel like I'm torturing her by putting her down now. And my parents won't listen to me. Their response is that she eats fine and goes outside. But what kind of quality of life is that?

I guess I feel a lot of guilt about it because when I first got her, I wanted a small dog, and she isn't a lap dog. So I ignored her for a while. And then I got my leukemia, and I was stuck in the hospital and all I wanted was my dog. I just can't help but feel like I'm prolonging her suffering. She flinches everytime you reach for her face. She never used to be that way. Yeah, she seems to eat ok, but how easy is it to eat when your teeth are covered in tumors? And that's not all. She's got all these weird lumps and bumps and moles and stuff on her. And her back bows when she walks.

And I don't want to do it. God knows I don't. But I don't want her to suffer. I think I just want someone to take it out of my hands and do it. I don't want to be responsible anymore and it just seems like all I do is make her suffer.

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 06:06:02 GMT

Yeah... so long ass time no post. I'm so stoked!! I'm joining a KnitAlong. Yay!!! I've never made socks, but Vicky on Knitty Gritty makes it look soooo easy.... Hmm.

So we finally thought of a date for the wedding, but his mom is being a butt. :P We're planning on October 21st... if we dont elope before then! :D We are so seriously tempted to do that too. Just to save the drama and the expenses and because two of the people I really want in my wedding are overseas and I don't know how much of a hassle it's going to be to try and get them here in time and make sure their dresses match, etc. And it's been three weeks and the Greek church STILL has not called us back yet to say, hey yeah, the priest can do the wedding. Buttheads.

But I have knitting! No job yet, not for lack of looking though. Got offered to take care of a friends mom. She's a sweetie, she's diabetic, and the person who has been her cargiver is just kind of up and leavin, so she needs someone to help her around the house, she's supposed to stay off her feet, so it might include some light housekeeping and cooking, which is so not an issue for me. I like Debbie too, she's like the grandma I wished I'd had growing up, and she's got such great stories to tell. My main concern is the money issue, I don't know how much to charge, and I'm afraid of being taken advantage of. But it will give me plenty of time to work on my knitting. Yay knitting! I know, I'm SUCH a dork. ;P

Looks like I might be going to Greece soon too. Gotta get the passport taken care of first though. But Bill, my fiance, one of his uncles died today (Still thinking it's Monday folks) and he wants to go back to Greece before he doesn't get a chance to say goodbye to anyone else. And this uncle was his dad's brother. And Bill's dad died when Bill was 6. So that's exciting. And a little scary. And I hope I don't have the same issues with my passport that I had before.

I wonder if I can put pics up... hmm.. I'm gonna go try and figure that out!

Slightly obsessed

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 16:09:26 GMT

I have the biggest crush EVER!!! This woman is so fucking cute it's almost enough to make you gag.

http://www.diynetwork.com/diy/press/article/0,,DIY_13703_2967301,00.html

I love her!!!!!!!! I want to be her!! I am so totally obsessed with knitting now, off to go grab my paycheck, swing by JoAnn's, get some more yarn and needles (teehee) and then the Farmer's Market for dinner, gotta pick up hair dye too, then home for stuff. Yay knitting. :)

And apparently we have a mouse in the house, so my kitty has free range of the house to "hunt and destroy". Heard lots of noises behind the couch, found a bunch of droppings when I moved a bunch of crap, but no visuals of any mouse yet. No holes in the wall either yet thankfully. Yes, my heart goes out to the mouse, but I don't know that I honestly think my cat will catch it if there is one.. he's a little bit *special*. ;D

Yeah, so it's been a while...

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 19:21:35 GMT

Erm, yeah that's one way to put it. So yeah, Rachel's engaged. Woot! Happened on the first of the month, I've known him since March, and we've been dating since July. No idea when the wedding is. Seriously, I am so freaked out NOW about wedding plans I can hardly breathe. Obviously this is going to be super duper cheap ass wedding. No doubt. :P I do think I might have found my dress though.

http://www.simplicity.com/index.cfm?cat=4&type=19&sec=0&id=65&startrow=1

It's pattern # 4566

Hehehehe.. I'm thinking like a really pale pink. Almost a blush.

So I finally quit Hobby Lobby. 7 months making $7 an hour that I had to fight for, and I find out the new cashiers are making more than me? $7.50 to start, some of them with NO fucking experience, I had experience, I was a fucking department lead, and ran register and helped out in every other damn department, and the store manager's response to it was, "Well *I* didn't hire Rachel." So about a week later I get in her face, tell her I quit. That I'm tired of busting my ass and bending over backwards for a company that doesn't give a damn about it's employees. That if they don't give a damn, why should I? So probably a stupid thing to do, since I didn't exactly have another job lined up.. oops. But I feel physically better, and that's the important thing.

Finally talked to my dad the other day. Haven't talked to him since I left Ohio last July. Went better than I was expecting. He didn't seem too upset, surprised that I'm engaged. Muttered something under his breath about maybe being a grandpa before he dies after all... the scary thing about that is that I want kids now. Like I want to be pregnant. Itty bitty babies don't scare me. There was a lady in HL the other day with a 3 week old baby, and instead of being creeped out, I wanted to hold it.

I have this feeling that I'll either be pregnant, or actually have a child by the time we get married. I'm annoyed that he won't talk to me about the wedding at all. He won't make up his mind what he wants. He wanted originally to get married at the Greek church because he's Greek, but that's going to cost $550, but that covers the preacher and everything, and then we would just have the reception at the house. But I think his family is expecting something BIG, but everyone knows my parents, 'we have no money, our bills are late, we have lots of new stuff, but we have no money'. My mom's response to him proposing "It's about time!"

He, my fiance, his name is Bill, most of his family calls him BJ, which is a little less confusing since my stepfather is named Bill, is Greek. He's about 6 foot, 265, kind of a big old redneck. Loves Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy, etc. Smokes. (bleh) Loves football and baseball. Big into cars, wants to open his own car shop to do paint jobs and racing alterations to cars. He used to race, he wants to get back into it. He makes fun of me for watching hockey, but he always tells me when there's a Thrashers game on. He teases me about reading all the time, but then he makes sure there's a lamp over the bed so I can read in bed when he's asleep. He's supposed to clean out a corner of his room so I can bring over my sewing machine and work on my projects. He dreams about our family.

I'm exhausted because after quitting my job, BJ got really sick. We found out Sat that it's pneumonia. He had a dr's appt today, but I didn't go, because I had to shave the dog and bathe him because he had fleas. I can't remember the last time I slept more than 20 minutes at a time. Everytime he coughs, I wake up. Everytime he rolls over, I wake up. And I have to go get the emissions done on the car, get gas, get Schmendrick and get back over there in time for dinner. I wonder if I'll finish my Halloween costume. I was going to try and be the dragongirl I didn't get to be last year.

merfle

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 05:22:59 GMT

So I was having a fine day, mostly, until right before I left work, when the assistant manager warned me that the store manager might say something to me tomorrow about my hair. It's not a huge deal,and I don't know why I can't seem to stop thinking about it. It's just really bugging me. On a whim I decided to dye my hair pink, and not all of it, just right in front of my ears and the top layer of hair, so it kind of fans out over my bangs and stuff. Not a huge deal really, except it's atomic pink. oops. it's just one of those things of, it's just hair, what's the big deal? and honestly, i can't get rid of it, unless i bleach ALL my hair, dye my hair black (which I dont even know if that would really work...., not to mention it would look like ass on me since I'm so pale with the freckles, etc) or shave my head. which john would probably find MORE offensive, and um, i'd look like a cancer patient again, with my big ole ugly scar and dent in my head. and i'd prolly have pink stubble. *snert* that's pretty funny.

it's such a stupid thing. and i dont know how big of a deal will get made out of it, and i don't know how far i'm willing to go. on the one hand, it's just hair. but getting paid seven bucks an hour, is that really enough to make me want to change it? i mean i dyed it on a whim. but to have someone tell me i CANT do something, well obviously i'm just going to do the opposite. it's just stupid. and i don't know why i'm worked up about it. probably because tomorrow is vilay's last day, and john said we can't have a party for her. but i'm doing one anyways. so take that!! bastards. she's worked for the company for 5 or more years, and she busts her ass, and johns pissed cuz he was talking shit about her a few months ago, bitching about her schedule to everyone else,and we all told her. yeah, like that's totally proper management etiquette. to talk shit about employees to other employees. stupid. but the rumor is corporate gave this store to john so he could run it into the ground and then they could fire him. georgia is a right to work state, you can quit, or be fired for any damn reason. why make everyone else suffer?! i dont know why this is bugging me, it's so ridiculous.

i wrenched something in the back of my leg today at work. stupid work. it twinges everytime i move and it sucks. dammit. and the bengay isn't helping. and i have to get up in 6 hours to get ready for work... yeah this is gonna be a long night. stupid brain!!

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 14:24:34 GMT

So I had an interesting night. And I'm not sure if I dreamed it or not, but it was cool. My phone rang and I answered it and it was my baby. (yes, I'm going to be all girly and silly now, so if this bothers you, you can leave.) And his voice was all growly and stuff and immediately my body was like HELLO! I love that man's voice. It does wonderful things to me. So he purred in my ear and stuff and I was having like flashbacks of the stuff I did before I fell asleep, so I was seeing images of the movie I saw, and the stuff I was reading in my book. I'm reading one of the Aisling Grey mysteries, and basically the main character is a dragon's mate, and they swap fire and stuff, so as my boy's growling in my ear I swear to god I feel fire in my veins. pretty fucking cool. and I think it's pretty damn cool that just the sound of his voice can get me off and have me all twitchy. yeah, i got some pretty cool tricks in my bag.

so yeah that's where my brain is, i was gonna post about the party on wed for the girl at work who's leaving, or about michael getting drunk and sticking his finger down my butt crack and why i didn't punch him then, but still want to now, about the whole school thing, what a great conversation i had with Tickle Boy *snert* he's great, he's a riot, and how awesome my kitty is and how everyone keeps telling me that they're rescuing kittens and that rocks! and the power went out for an hour yesterday at work and it was just us 5 girls, and i got the flashlight and had to go check the bathrooms and stuff to make sure all the customers were gone because we couldn't check them out or anything because the registers were locked. i dyed my hair pink again. well, partly. on the top, like the crown of my head so it's theorhetically highlights, but not quite so much yet. and my manager hasn't really seen it yet, and i think he's going to yell at me for it, but honestly what can he do? so i'm being silly and thinking about that and stressing that my section looks like ass because i've been all OVER the store for the past 4 days and not really doing what i was hired to do. retards. so uh, yeah. i'm gonna go think about dragon boy now. :D

nighty nightmares

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 12:50:26 GMT

yay. at least my insomnia seems to have disappeared after 2 days. but now i'm having nightmares. last night i had one that my stepfather was kicking me out again, and the room was filled with all the men that molested me when i was little, and it was going to be a gang bang or something. something unpleasant that promised a not so good time for me.

so i'm feeling a bit freaked out. even though it was a dream. it feels like it's going to be one of those days where stuff just lingers in my head and i'm all twitchy and shit.

and in other news there was a roach in front of the toilet. i recognize on some level that this is funny, but when you're stumbling around bleary eyed, REALLY needing to pee, the last thing you want to do is deal with killing and removing a roach when you have to pee and the toilet is right THERE! so I gingerly settled myself upon my throne and watched it carefully. It didn't appear to move. Then my cat comes out of nowhere and BAM! pounces on the roach, which then starts wiggling and squirming and kicking and MOVING. between my legs, while I"m still peeing. ICK. The second the roach moves, my legs go straight up in the air, and I smack my cat on top of the head to startle him into leaving the roach alone until I can pee and get out of the way. Then he is free to wreck havoc on said roach. I was definitely having a Two Lumps moment.after finishing my morning pee, I went to go get something to smush said roach, since kitty had since lost interest. After flicking it at me and watching me AND the roach squirm, my cat apparently got bored. while digging through my stepfather's rack'o'comics in the bathroom, i came across the class list for one of the technical schools around here. now why would my stepfather be reading that in the can? he has no interest in furthering his education. and he hasn't mentioned it to me. for some reason i'm miffed by it and annoyed. but whatever. i got some ideas from some of the girls at work, so that's my plan. and now time to get ready for work. yay.

Boys are weird

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 03:01:55 GMT

Not that that is terribly surprising really. At least he left me a sweet message on my voicemail. :) Then tuned me out while I was trying to talk to him, and said he was going to go to bed. Dork. Think I'll keep him though. :)

And Michael thinks I blew him off because we were supposedly supposed to see Sin City at the dollar theater near work last night, but we hadn't confirmed anything. But he says he didn't wait TOO long. Ugh.

Hip still hurting. Had a nice moment yesterday where my hip completely froze up. Felt like I was 80 and needed a walker. I have got to find out when I can get to a chiropractor and make werk pay for it dammit!!

I hope Jocelyn friends me. I miss certain people from Albuquerque, but I'm not sure how to talk to them. So. I hope she still likes me in pants! heh.... yeah. I miss the Halloween store.

Yeah I just don't really have anything interesting to add tonight. Sorry I suck.

Thinking seriously about getting enrolled in a tech school or something, since I've SERIOUSLY been thinking about the copy editing thing. And if I could take classes online, that would make life easy. And be nice if it's cheaper too. yay cheap.

Of all the trailer parks in the world...

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 20:11:14 GMT

Oh my god. I love the new Killers video!!! The black and white cowboy one, in the trailer park, not the lame ass one on yahoo. I wanna be a KillerSlut!!! I don't know what about it tickles me quite so much. I like the shower scene, mmm showers with tall naked skinny boys wearing eyeliner.. *squee* fucking awesome. I love Brandon Flowers, he's like the best part of Ben Affleck, and Billy Zane. Mmm.. Billy Zane was the hottest fucking thing imaginable in Tales from the Crypt, Demon Knight. Him and Jada Pinkett in her little white girly panties... mmmmm.

I can honestly say I will never look at a trailer park the same way again.. *snert* The sad thing is I kept thinking, hey, isn't that the trailer park that Boone's grandparents live in? Which, if they filmed it in Las Vegas or whatever, not that terribly far from Albuquerque. Man. Now I want to go dress up and run around a trailer park. Hehehe. He's so pretty!

In other news today, went to a new fabric store. BLEH. It sucked ass. Got my hair cut. yay. Got some spinach salad. mmmm, spinach salad, tasty!!!! There's this new ginger dressing out, so unbelievably tasty!! Oh, and I now have Johnny Depp Willy Wonka Hostess cupcake thingies. With purple frosting. Yay chocolatelyJohnnyDeppgoodness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello Insomnia, nice to meet you

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 08:56:20 GMT

Apparently my insomnia is back. yay. Last night after waking up at 330 I was up until 530. And it appears the same thing is happening again. At least I finished another book. Yay.

Felt sick all day. Someone told me I could be pregnant... um... yeah. Damn those alien Elvis impersonators!! Will I never be safe?! I don't know why I've been feeling so headachy and sick. I think the sickness part was due to the chili paste or whatever in that soup, but to still be feeling sick? Bleh.

My stepfather seems to be worried that a terrorist attack might happen while he's in Japan next week. I guess with the exception of 9/11, terrorism seems so unreal to me. 9/11 affected me because I had plans dammit! I guess to some extent I understand the level of hate that terrorists have, but I don't get the context, if that makes sense.

My parents asked me the other night, in a roundabout way if I have plans on offing myself any time soon. I was amused. It's interesting to me how people interpret a suicide attempt. First it's major serious. Then it's a ploy for attention. Then it's just kind of a joke. Then it gets brought up later, but not seriously, just the "I need to ask this so that if you do, my ass is covered." kind of thing. Or maybe I'm just that cynical. Maybe.

I'm so sick of feeling sick. I hate feeling nauseous. Bleh. I guess that's all my confessions for the night. And my hip still really hurts. Someone told me I might have a pinched nerve. That would explain a LOT. I'm nervous about my eye appointment in the morning. Mostly I think because of the cost. Not sure if insurance will cover it or not. And I guess I'm kind of afraid that my therapist will call when I don't show up again. Sometimes I'm great at confrontation, other times, I'd just really prefer to deal with it, by disappearing. I guess it's a control thing.

Thinkings

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 08:13:28 GMT

So apparently I'm allergic to chili paste or sensitive to it. :( On the whole, this doesn't bother me too much, except for the excruciating stomach cramps that follow ingesting it. And it kind of limits the Thai and Chinese foods I can eat. Dammit! Oh well. Such is my lot in life. But the whole cramping thing, yeah, NOT impressed.

So I've been thinking a LOT about Albuquerque lately. Missing certain people, missing the weather, missing the streets, etc. There's people I wish I were still in touch with, but since it's been almost 6 months since they heard from me, not sure if they care. Which I know is my own fault, but whatever. It just seemed when I left, it was kinda like, oh, ok, she's leaving. And the one person I've talked to since then is all like 'wow, you left so suddenly' or 'you disappeared'. No I didn't. I told people I was leaving because I didn't have any other options. I was getting kicked out of my apartment, I didn't have a car, I didn't really have a job, and I didn't feel like anyone really wanted me couch surfing. Maybe that was my own insecurities, I have been thinking a lot about what might have happened if I had tried to couch surf instead of coming back to Georgia. I just go through phases where I just shut down. I run in basic mode, where I'm operating, but I'm just not really there. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's what I do. It's like stuff just gets to a point where I can't, or don't want to handle it, so I shut down, and pick out the things I can deal with, and go from there.

So I've decided to quit therapy. Mostly because it didn't feel like it was doing me any good. And partly because my parents "asked" me to give them money at the beginning of every month starting in August, to help out with the bills. They aren't going to charge me rent persay, but since I've been here, the bills have gone up. Um, sure. The water bill has supposedly jumped 30 bucks per month, and since I'm the only one who showers every single day, guess that's my fault. Damn me for not stinking! I digress. And I feel like it was thrown in my face "since you've been back, we've had to get another vehicle" aaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddd? You would be going where exactly with that comment? and the 'I've told you I'd get you help to deal with your issues from the past, and while I'm not begruding you that, that's an extra 300 a month I wasn't counting on... blah blah blah" ok, fine. Instead of me going to 'therapy' which isn't solving anything and won't solve anything until I can actually get OUT again, I just won't go, you can keep your money, stop throwing it in my face,and look, I won't give you money, cuz then we're even. Dipshits. I really envy people who have parents that help. Like parents that actually care, and don't just do something to get nice points and then when they get pissy throw it in your face. "I did this for you" or "What about when we did that for you" I hate that shit. I realize everyone has their drama with their parents, but for once, it'd be nice to have them do something because they actually want to and NOT have it thrown back in my face later. But the thing that pisses me off about the therapy thing, I really don't feel like it was helping, and I've been thinking about quitting for at least a month now, is that I feel guilty about quitting. How fucked up is that? Fucking brilliant. But in the long run, one less thing they can throw in my face.

So everything else I wanted to post, just flew out of my head. Oh well. I'll have a lot more time to post in the upcoming 2 weeks since the computer ogre won't be around. Off I go hunting for puppy cuddles. Hmm, apparently the puppies decided to find me... and a KITTY!!!